By Abdulkadir Yakubu Bala
abdulkhadeerdansidi@yahoo.com
In the heart of Hausa land, Northern Nigeria, the upbringing of girls has undergone a profound transformation. It has shift from traditional ways based on Islamic values and cultural norms to a new world full of outside influences. Traditionally. Hausa girls were raised with an emphasis on Kunya a strong sense of modesty, self-control, and good behavior that guided how they acted, talked to others, and fit into society. Today, parents struggle with a new generation influence by globalization, urbanization, city life, and social media like Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. Many young girls now act in ways that go against Hausa culture, such as sharing videos where they are singing in bold ways or dancing openly.
In traditional Hausa society, the raising of girls was a communal effort based on Islamic teachings and ancient customs, designed to instill values that ensured family peace and social order. From infancy, girls were socialized within the confines of the family compound, learning the principles of Kunya, which means humility, shyness, and avoidance of anything that could bring shame to oneself or the family. This was not just about actions but how they lived; Hausa women practiced it through modest dress, limited public interactions, and a focus on domestic skills like cooking, weaving, and childcare. Seclusion, or Kulle, began around puberty, typically by age 11 or 12, maturing and restricting married women to the home to preserve their honor and protect them from external gazes.
Education for girls was primarily Quranic, emphasizing religious knowledge over Western schooling, which was often seen as a threat to cultural purity. Socialization occurred through storytelling, proverbs, and family tales that reflected Hausa norms, teaching girls to prioritize family loyalty, respect for elders, and preparation for marriage often arranged early to secure alliances. Public displays of singing or dancing were rare. Gender segregation was a cornerstone; boys and girls were raised separately, women transitioning from paternal to spousal guardianship, embodying submission respect and piety.
This system fostered resilient, morally upright women who contributed to society through household management, all while upholding Islamic teachings.
In contrast, modern Hausa society presents a broken picture where traditional upbringing clashes with contemporary realities, leading to behaviors that many view as against cultural heritage. Urbanization and economic pressures have disrupted communal child raising, exposing girls to Western influences through education and media. This progress comes at a cost: exposure to ideas that challenge Kunya, such as individualism and gender equality, often leading to delayed marriages and aspirations beyond home life.
The biggest change is in how girls act. Girls who were once modest now often choose to show themselves over control, influenced by global trends. Social media has amplified this, with platforms like Instagram, SnapChat and TikTok serving as stages for Hausa girls to post content that challenges cultural norms such as provocative singing, and explicit dancing that attract public attention and sometimes controversy. These acts, are once confined to private spheres, are now broadcast globally, weakening the sense of Kunya. Discussions on social media highlight perceptions of Hausa women as increasingly bold.
Social media platforms have become battlegrounds for cultural identity in Hausa land. TikTok, with its short form videos, encourages dancing and singing that traditionalists criticize as immodest, contrasting sharply with yesteryears. SnapChat and Instagram amplifies this through filtered images and stories, where Hausa girls post revealing content to gain followers, often imitating Western celebrities and ignoring Kunya. This shift is not just visual; it affects mindset of young women prioritizing likes and views over family honor, leading to behaviors like public flirting or controversial discussions that were taboo.
Parents today face immense dilemmas. Traditionally, upbringing was straightforward, supported by extended families and religious leaders. Now, fathers and mothers struggle with daughters who access unfiltered content, leading to arguments over phone usage and online activities. Enforcing Kulle is challenging in urban settings, where girls attend mixed schools or use social media secretly. The fear is palpable: Will these modern behaviors lead to societal rejection, failed marriages, or moral decay?
To understand these struggles better, let's hear from some parents in Hausa land who shared their views in recent talks.
Sa'adatu Adamu, a housewife and mother, emphasizes the need for close parental bonds: "We parents must be the best friends to our children." She explains that this involves open communication to identify issues, offer guidance, and prevent associations with negative influences, while instilling fear of Allah and adherence to cultural norms. On spousal selection, she warns: "When choosing a wife, a father should pick a good woman so the children will be like her.
Aminu Umar, a teacher, and Islamic scholar, highlights an essential role of mothers in child raising: "Mothers are the ones who give the main upbringing, or Tarbiyya, to children." Drawing from Islamic principles, he stresses that effective Tarbiyya includes moral education, religious instruction, and modeling good behavior to counter modern temptations like social media. He echoes advice on marriage: "Choose a wife wisely a woman with strong faith and good character so your children grow up following the right path. Without this care, the family may face regrets later,"
He fault the unethical usage of social media “Smartphones have disrupted youth values, particularly among girls, fostering a culture of exposure that challenges Islamic modesty”.
He added that Economic hardships worsen this; poverty pushes girls toward early independence or marriage, but social media offers an allure of fame and income through viral content, often at the expense of modesty.
Mr. Bamimore Mutiu Adesola, Vice Principal of Obakilani Olarinre Ilufemiloye Secondary School, in his farewell address, warned about the dangers of parental failure and the collapse of discipline in homes. He stressed that a lack of correction produces adults without self control, linking moral decay in society to weak parenting.
According to him, “a child who never hears NO at home will hear NO from life.” He lamented the erosion of family values, where fathers fail to model responsibility and mothers neglect to instill dignity. Instead, children now “learn from TikTok instead of their homes,” resulting in a generation with “no fear of God and no sense of direction.”
Mr. Bamimore further argued that spoiling children or choosing friendship over leadership ruins them, creating adults who cannot handle rejection, failure, or responsibility. He criticized a generation that “loves pleasure but hates responsibility,”
He concluded with a call to parents:
“The devil is not the problem. The parents failed. Fix your homes. Build boundaries. Enforce discipline. Teach values. Show love, but with firmness. Only then shall we raise a generation that fears God”
These voices show how parents are trying to mix old advice with today's challenges.
In the end, the story of our daughters is the story of our future. If we lose them to confusion, or weak parenting, then tomorrow’s society will be one without direction. The Hausa girl who once carried herself with Kunya, modesty, and dignity is now at a crossroads pulled between tradition and modernity. This is not only her battle, but also ours as parents, leaders, and community members.
We cannot afford to fold our arms and watch. Parents must rise to their sacred duty. A daughter who receives love, guidance, and discipline at home grows into a woman of strength and honor. Fathers must be more than providers; they must be role models of responsibility. Mothers must embrace their God given role of nurturers, planting seeds of faith, dignity, and self-control in their children. To neglect this duty is to raise a generation without roots.
At the same time, our society must learn to engage with modern realities rather than run from them. Social media is here to stay; the task is to guide our daughters to use it for creativity, knowledge, and faith not vanity. Schools must join hands to provide moral and spiritual education alongside academics, so that girls can succeed in today’s world without losing themselves.
We must also re-discover the power of community. In the past, every elder felt responsible for the children around them. That spirit of collective upbringing must return. When families, neighbors, teachers, and religious leaders work together, we build a protective wall around our girls.
Above all, let us remember this: raising a daughter is raising a nation. She is tomorrow’s mother, teacher, leader, and moral compass. If we fail her, we fail the future. If we nurture her with wisdom and love, we build a generation that fears God, respects culture, and yet can stand tall in a global world.
The choice is ours. Let us fix our homes, mend our values, and rise to our calling. For in the eyes of every daughter is a mirror of tomorrow may what we see there be hope, not regret.
